“Yeah I’ll tell you something, I think you’ll understand, when I say that something…I wanna hold your hand”

When mummy and daddy arrived at the hospital today they were surprised to see I (Austin) had moved across the room to the same side as Rory. This is the closest we had been since birth.


We were both tucked up neatly in our matching little soldier muslin squares.

Mummy asked the Drs for an update and they said that there were no changes other than that Rory may be anaemic and has been very unsettled with his oxygen levels and saturations. Mummy asked if she should be worried and the nurse said no and just that they are keeping an eye on him. 

Mummy asked if we could have a cuddle together now that our incubators are next to each other. The nurse said yes. Mummy was very excited and jumped in the chair ready whilst the nurse and daddy began organising the wires to get us both out – it’s a very delicate job! 

Here is the nurse placing us on mummy’s chest…

And then lots of pictures of us together. Mummy and daddy’s eyes were not shiny – they were dripping wet! Mummy said this was the most magical moment and she would never forget it. She was in absolute awe of us. Mummy said that seeing us both together for the first time ever (other than on scan pics) was the most precious and special time. 

Mummy’s heart was completely full of love and she said that she had everything she ever wished for right there in her hands and that she had been blessed to be our mummy for the past 19 days. Daddy looked at mummy with shiny eyes and she knew that he was thinking the same – it really was a special moment. 

Daddy video’d us as we began fumbling around and finding each other….

Here are some close ups of us holding hands…

Then daddy jumped in for a picture…

And just as the nurse gave back daddy’s phone, Rory’s machines began beeping. Flashing red. Mummy looked down quick, he was grey and not moving. Mummy and daddy panicked. The nurse came over and she too was panicked. She was trying to get her gloves on fast but there wasn’t time, she abandoned them on mummy’s knee, scooped Rory up and frantically placed him back in the incubator. She increased his oxygen levels and sent the other nurse to get a Dr. Mummy and daddy’s eyes were shiny. I could feel mummy’s heart beating faster as I lay on her chest wondering what was happening next. 

The Dr came in and began preparing a sterile environment around Rory’s incubator. Daddy stood back and watched, mummy held me tight and kept looking at daddy for reassurance that rory was ok. Mummy began to cry. The Dr took blood from Rory and put him a cannula in. They sent his bloods to the lab to test for infection and hooked him up to antibiotics. They told mummy and daddy that he may need another blood transfusion too although they want to give Rory’s bone marrow a chance first. Mummy said this was the two steps back she had braced herself for after a fairly positive week.

I realised that I needed to make mummy smile….so I did a massive poo to take her attention. She asked the nurse to put me back in the incubator and mummy came to change my nappy. Daddy said I did a good job of diverting mummy’s attention.

Mummy and daddy were chatting to the nurse about the differences between a normal mummy and a nicu (neonatal intensive care unit) mummy and how most parents struggle to take their babies for routine injections or panic when they have a temperature, yet they watch us tiny babies have blood transfusions, be butchered by Drs for numerous reasons and lay there ladened by machines and equipment keeping us alive. 

It just brought mummy and daddy back down to earth….one minute they were enjoying cuddles and the most special moment and the next they were reminded that it could so easily be taken from them.  


3 Replies to ““Yeah I’ll tell you something, I think you’ll understand, when I say that something…I wanna hold your hand””

  1. Oh Kelly I could hardly read your blog today it was full of happiness, I could feel it, your smiles were priceless, I am sharing tears with you this morning. Stay strong Kelly & Ashley you are both doing the most amazing thing. I hope Rory has settled overnight & Austin has too. Sending lots of love to you both & massive cuddles to Rory & Austin xxxx


  2. You and Ash are an inspiration to everyone, stay strong and positive, your gorgeous little boys will do you proud, always thinking about you and always here for you bothπŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’– xxxx


  3. I really don’t know what to say after reading this, other than you have two gorgeous boys that are loved so much. Our thoughts and wishes are with you every day.
    Lots of love Sue, Sarah and Frances. XxxxπŸ’•πŸ’•


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