Catch up May 2019

Things have been a bit manic of late both in terms of life being very busy and less time for blogging, but also with lots of new followers and blog readers and messages from followers after my first podcast and youtube video went online and so I decided to put a poll out there on social media to see whether people would prefer reading frequent, daily short blogs on occasional lengthy blogs which is what I seem to be doing most recently, compared to the daily blogs back in the beginning.

I know people used to say they would have daily bed time reading in the daily blogs and they would look forward to the read and some have said that they don’t read the blogs now because they are too lengthy and just catch up in bulk every now and again, so I was trying to get a bit of an understanding of how best to blog moving forward. Turns out it’s a straight 50/50 split so that research was not useful 🤣

Lots of followers appreciate that my blogging is in the most part therapy for me, and to post whenever suits me, and that is great, and I really appreciate that, but I do write blogs all of the time and not publish them, and so i can just write when suits and post in short snappy bites or all at once, whatever suits. I’m always tip tapping away, like now, in the car whilst the boys are sleeping…

Its been two weeks since our last post and so I thought I would catch us up to speed on what we have been up to, there are lots of blogs I am working on that are on specific topics including;

Austin & Rory’s Development and the Early Years Development lady that visits us.

Our 12 week journey with independent Speech and Language Therapist Joanne Jones

Following on from the Podcast and YouTube interview with Charlotte Wager-Hall on her Better show, I have been given the push to blog about my IVF journey and post the videos and pictures that I have kept to myself up to now. As soon as it became available on iTunes and youtube I was inundated with messages from ladies who were at all stages of their IVF journey and it just made me realise that actually, I should put it out there. I haven’t so far because the blogging started once A&R were born and it became about them and not about the IVF. But perhaps now is the time. Thank to everyone for all of your support, your messages of praise and general feedback, it was a huge thing for me to put myself out there like that, way way way out of my comfort zone. I have been putting off radio interviews and all sorts but I think now i’ve cracked that, I have the confidence to take it on. Exciting times.

So here’s the whistle stop tour of our past two weeks;

We went back to pre-school after two weeks off. We settled straight in no drama. We had the early years development lady visit us after school on the Monday and then Mummy had a video consultation with Joanne the speech and language lady on the Tuesday. It was all go after a few weeks of adventure and calm over half term.

Rory’s bedtime routine went out of the window for no known reason. Bedtime has ALWAYS been very military to accommodate the bathtime risks with Rory, Rory’s tracheostomy cares and ensuring an hour of adult-time before an early night for Mummy and Daddy, something which has always kept them on the same page and substituted those all important child-free moments that we haven’t had quite as often as probably recommended in our shoes – respite and all of that!

It was a good 2 hour battle every night, with a very unsettled Rory. I was headbutted, hit, kicked and it resulted in me crying by the end of it. Thankfully we seem to have levelled again, but now he is getting up at the crack of dawn again.

Rory has been doing lots of talking. Obviously you can’t hear most of it, because of his tracheostomy bypassing his vocal chords and limiting the sound he can make, but his lips are moving a lot which is a really good sign. Another good sign is the amount of noise he can make at the moment, which considering his airway had collapsed again, and has since been stretched, makes me confident but it hasn’t yet collapsed since his operation on 26th March. Last time he had the same procedure I noticed his air leak and his breathing change rapidly within a week, so it most definitely narrowed again, which showed up to be true. This time, I am much more hopeful.

I got my new car, which I have waited a LONG LONG time for. I was anxious about how the boys would cope with the change. My old car, the CRV has been a huge part of mumlife over the past 3 years. It sounds silly, but everyone close to me knows exactly what I mean. That car was iconic of my parenthood so far. It was like a hotel inside, it was huge, you could walk from the front to the back which was ideal for medical assistance with Rory, there was so much room. The boot was massive, I could house 3 double buggies, two trikes and the shopping – no bother. I had spent a minimum of 2 hours a day in that car for the past 3 years and it had very little cash value but sentimental value off the scale. As I drove out of the garage in my new car, I should have felt excited but I cried, all the way home. Silly, I know, but that CRV had NEVER let me or my boys down. it had driven us to hospital and back every time, appointments, visiting and emergencies. I drove Rory to A&E that time that his airway collapsed in that car, when he stopped breathing and ended up in resuscitation. It held so many memories.

I took Nannie with me for nursery pick up because I expected some drama. I was right to do so. Austin threw himself on the floor and wouldn’t get in it. We got him in and he loved it. He loves having the window down, he loves that he can touch the buttons that he couldn’t reach before. He looks out of the window at it every day and says ‘mummy car’ and on the night we got it, I went out to get pizza and he insisted on coming for the ride. He kept bringing me the keys to have another go.

It’s not as practical, the boot barely fits my shopping in and certainly wouldn’t manage trikes or a pram, but Ashs truck would. We don’t need two huge cars, this one is economical and do you know what, i’m going to stop justifying it because we work hard, I work hard, I deserve a treat. So Mamma bought a Range Rover 🙌😬

Rory has been trying to do a roly poly for ages. We keep showing him and eventually he did it all by himself and then he lay giggling (silently) for ages. I video’s him trying to do it again…

Ash picked the boys up from nursery one day and the lovely nursery lady said that Austin had been counting to 8, we didn’t believe her. We went to the park after pre-school and I said to him, 10 more swings then its time to go home, and he counted to 8! I cried like a crazy woman, so proud. You could tell what he was saying as well, his sounds are coming on loads. The oral-motor exercises we do are doing a cracking job with his muscles.

On Thursday, Rory came home from nursery and was so sad. He ran out of nursery smiling, and he had been absolutely fine at nursery but once he got home he sobbed consistently for 3 hours. Now if you have ever see Rory cry, it is heartbreaking because he doesn’t make sound, his little face cuts you in two. He kept grabbing his breath and going again until he fell asleep in my arms. I placed him in his bed and lay with him, feeling broken.

It is so so so hard not knowing what is wrong. There were no obvious signs and I had no idea what was wrong but I know he wanted cuddles because twice after I had left him, he woke up, and rattled the baby gate, when I appeared, he took my hand and led me back to bed, curling into me for pressure, helping him to calm. I spent half the night in bed with him and Ash did the final half. He didn’t sleep properly, on and off, crying in his sleep. I’ll be honest, once i’d settled him I went and lay on my own bed and sobbed. I will forever feel guilty for their premature birth even though I know it was nothing I did or didn’t do, I will always blame myself for not cooking them properly. This is the reason Rory gained his tracheostomy and every single day I give my soul to both him and Austin because I will always owe them nothing less than everything I can give them. I cannot stand to see Rory sad. He goes weeks without crying. He is such a happy soul. We don’t have tantrums, we don’t have tears, he is such a pleasant little soul, but when he is sad, it takes me to a dark place.

Thank fully he went to nursery fine the next day and that was the end of it because Austin stole the show being sent home from nursery early with a temperature. When I got there he was sat having cuddles in his nappy, but happy as larry.

We are slightly out of sorts, perhaps they have a little bit of a bug or something, but they are absolutely fine. We aren’t phased by bits and bobs of poorly, just the big stuff.

And so thats it, all caught up for now!



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