Dear Austin & Rory, my little dudes, my bundles of awesome, my absolute reason for breathing!
Where have the past two years gone? I remember giving birth to you like it was yesterday, my heart still pains for the parts of that day that I will never forget, never hearing that baby cry when you were born, waiting 6 hours to get my first glance through an incubator and having no guarentee that you would ever make it home, that I would ever feel your breath on my body for that skin to skin, that I would ever hear you laugh, wipe your tears or kiss you goodnight and hear you say I love you! I don’t think that will EVER leave me, but as we battle our way through the years, we are balancing those memories with ones of love, laughter and good times. Days on the beach, trips to the zoo, cuddles, giggles and milestones made. Each moment of every day I am blessed, I am humble and I am always in debt to your strength, for fighting your fight and coming home to enrich my life in the way that you do.
Unfortunately we have spent your entire birthday today in PJS, watching rubbish TV, in and out of snooze mode (you not me) and topping up on calpol. I have fought with you to keep the SATS monitor on your finger, watching your breathing and oxygen saturations and praying that this isn’t the beginning of a very different ending to the one we are expecting, the one where Rory goes to hospital on the 9th of May and we start the process of trach-free life. I’m praying this doesn’t throw a spanner in the works. But the truth is, you won’t remember today, you had an absolutely wicked birthday party on Sunday (separate blog pending) and celebrated turning two with all of your family and friends and so in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t really matter! Does it?
So, your second year was very different to your first. You have exceeded every expectation that any Dr or Nurse ever had of you. In fact first year to second year reads very different medically…
My memories of the second year are very much a blur, it became very difficult in parts, in a very different way to the most difficult parts which were at the beginning of your life, but the logistics of twin parenting on my own (whilst Daddy at work) were very difficult, especially given the limitations that your health issues brought, such as not mixing with others at certain times of year, needing to carry medical equipment, keeping Rory’s airway safe.
So much so that Daddy changed his entire career and as a family we made a huge change. We did this for you because regardless of the challenges ahead, we adapt, we throw everything at it and we give you our best and hopefully when you are old enough and reading this, you will realise and it will have all been worth while.
We did so much in the summer time to make up for the rubbish winter stuck at home in the playroom, we made sure that you weren’t without experiences, you did Hartbeeps, baby groups, swimming, seaside holidays, donkeys, Wildlife parks and such. We gave you everything that we could and we all had so much family fun making memories.
You got your milk teeth and learned to walk. You also decided that you didn’t like to be sat side by side in the pram or shopping trolley any more which made it even more difficult for me to do anything with you on my own. You could make things, build, solve puzzles and role play. You became kind, strong-willed and resilient. All the things I hoped you would be. You also pushed boundaries, fought each other daily (hourly in fact) mostly Austin bush bash boshing everyone, and terrorised Beau Jangles who is ridiculously patient for a dog! These things were not part of my master plan but you are learning and these things will pass, as long as you keep the good bits, we are winning!
You have grown so much into such beautiful boys. You are so very different personalities, I am so so proud of you both.
If there is anything that I have learned from parenting you both this past year it is that you cannot rely on anyone else to hold you up, you need to make sure your own wings will carry you. And between me and your Daddy ( as a unit) we know that whatever the challenge we can face it. I hope that when you grow big you will look up to your Daddy and appreciate everything he does and continues to do for you, and respect him because you are very lucky to have a role model like him. This sums up what I mean…
We raised £2000 in our first year and that figure continues to grow. I don’t actually have a figure for the second year but we will continue to visit the hospital birthdays and christmas to pay our respect to the staff team, we will continue to raise money for Jessops because the work they do is momentous and without them you wouldn’t be here and I hope you will always remain humble and appreciative of that fact and treasure your life.
Nannie bought you crowns last year and she has done it again, just look at the difference a year makes…
Here is my fave pic from each month of this second year.
Look forward to giving all of me to you for the next 18 + years (although if you aren’t self-sufficient by 18 I haven’t done my job right )