J.A.M 5.1.17

Today ended with me being grumpy, but it started off really positive. 

We were all up and out in Hoyland for 8:30am. Chemist, Drs, library, co-op, one lap of the one-way system and a short stop at the baby change given that Austin knocked the poo face out before the car was even off the drive. Talk about timing. 

We called in on my old next door neighbour and friend Pam on the way home, it was the first time she had seen the boys really, she had only briefly seen them once when we bumped in to her at fox valley. It was lovely to see her but brought it home to me really how our life must seem to the outside world. Pam almost felt sorry for me as I struggled in with two car seats full of children, an ambubag for resuscitation which we have to take everywhere, a bag of suction catheters, the standard changing bag (for twins btw) and a suction machine…not to mention a picket including a 2ml syringe, saline, Trachy tapes, scissors, a spare nose, spare dressing, two spare Trachy tubes etc etc……and then her eyes welled up when she saw Rorys silent cry and me suctioning him….she hit the nail on the head though when she said I didn’t seem to be phased and that I’m loving it. I actually am. It’s bloody hard work but my god I am the luckiest person on the planet. Will never forget this mornings visit because Austin poo’d (again) whilst sat on Pams knee. Mortified!

I went home to battle feed time and then walked with my dad and the boys to see Auntie Lynn & Uncle Clarry, via a short stop at Mrs Hardy (non-relative but mum and dads next door neighbour) to thank her for her prayers, lit candles at st Peters and Christmas gifts. She sent us a box of heroes with a sticker ‘to true heroes’ it was a lovely touch. 

Austin entertained all the visitors as usual and Rory was his solemn self. I don’t know if it is the protective parent in me but i find myself getting frustrated at Austin as he gets all the attention when socialising because he will go to anyone and interact with anyone. Rory is actually the smilier more pleasant baby but he is always seeking reassurance from me or ash because we are familiar when he is in a strange environment. He isn’t as confident as Austin. I understand and I’m not bothered about that, it’s just how he gets a different reaction to Austin. Some people are scared of him and his Trachy too, the Unknown. I would be if he wasn’t mine. I get it. I’m probably being silly……but I just wish Rory would show everyone his gorgeous smile and cheeky personality because I think him being quiet and solemn makes people feel more sorry for him, if he did people would realise that he is a happy baby and he is not bothered one bit by his Trachy.

Anyway….we arrived back home at 3:15 having not yet had our 2pm feed. Holy moly…..this is only going one way….and it ain’t going to be pretty!! We survived though but teatime was delayed, Which meant bath time and bed time was later and the boys were grumpy and by the time they were both sock on at 7pm (managed to reduce the 2 hour delay to 45 minutes with a short bath time) I was ready for a strong cuppa and a massive bar of galaxy. 😴

Fingers crossed we are heading in the right direction with the sleep deprivarion though. I managed 5 hours in total last night, better than my 3&1/2 the day before. I will win this battle…..no matter how tired I get I will not cave! The problem will come tomorrow night and over the weekend when it is Ashs shift, I can’t imagine he will be as patient at 2am for 3 1/2 hours, putting the dummy back in for the bazillionth time……if I walk in and find him lay on the sofa bed with a twin under each arm…..ill kill him! 

He’s currently lay on the sofa snoring…..it’s a hard life. He wouldn’t last an hour in my shoes…..🙄

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